Difficulty in Ministry caused by ourselves or People

Dr Charles Swindoll
Difficult 

People who make ministry difficult

2 Tim 3 - The Last Days

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud,abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.

2 Cor 11 - 

Difficult People:-
Abel & Cain
Abraham & Lot
Esau & Jacob
Joseph & all his brothers
Moses & People who

WOE TO YOU ! X7 said Jesus

We have to deal with people who despire, disrespect, conspire, doubt, envy of your success, shut you down in your weakness. This is REAL! 

TIPS TO WORK WITH PEOPLE
1) Be cautious of the one you endorse for leadership
Look for qualities 1 Tim 3.

Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseerdesires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach,faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full[a] respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.

8 In the same way, deacons[b] are to be worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. 9 They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. 10 They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.

11 In the same way, the women[c] are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

12 A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well. 13 Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.

2) Find people who can keep confidence

3) Watch out for those who play a significant role in your call to your ministry

4) Keep distance from opposite sex

5) Don't take money from anyone for personal  

6) Some people not just difficult but may be dangerous 

7) When you are targetted by enemy, some do not have you at heart

8) When hiring or releasing someone from ministry, do not manipulate the situation
Talk no one into leaving or talk no one from leaving a ministry
Someone needs leaving, release them at Minute 46. Holding on them when it has not worked it not going to do good.

9) When you are led to lead a ministry, do not expect anyone to understand you
They do not undersand why you need to leave. Just move on

10) If you are married, your relationship with your spouse is the most important relationship in your life. You spouse's opinion is more important than the others
No higher priority than to cultivate your marital relationship. 

Things we do to make ministry difficult

2 Tim 4:7

 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

Fought in Greek is AGONA, we get Agony from it. 

The good fight that I have "agonised".

Paul brought a lo of "stuff" into his Christian ministry. He has to fight his own "demons", likewise, it is the same with us.

2 Cor 4:1-6

Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2 Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God.On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. 3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

With every ministry, special mercy is needed. Since we have this ministry, we have received mercy. Therefore, we do not lose heart, we do not quit, we do not give up. We will have  mercy to deal with the people and face many challenges.

V2 In every ministry, the same three things must be rejected. 

We have renounced = forbidden

1) Shameful things

2) Deceiveful things, Craftiness

Cunning - lack of sincerity, lack of integrity. We are who we say we are. Not walking on craftiness.

3) We dont corrupt sacred things, adulterating the Word of God.

Simple Sincerity - a true mark of Christian. Rare even more those in ministry.

Simple Sincerity can impact a ministry.

V 2 and 5 Through every ministry, a convenient example must be modelled.

By living out the truth, by setting forth the truth, for Jesus' sake.

I Cor 11 

Things we should remember:-

1) We cannot control everything.

2) We cannot fix everyone. People have to take care of themself.

3) We cannot be some body we are not and get away with it.

4) We cannot meet everybody's expectations.

5) We cannot run away from difficult issues. We need to ask God to handle it.

6) We cannot concern ourselves with who gets the credit. Learn to give credits to God's faithful servants. Very few things are done solo.

7) We cannot like criticism gets to us.

Seasons of Pruning and Learning

For the past few months, few issues are constantly on my mind, need to be resolved, need to be dealt with, so that I can move on. I recognise that I need a Mind Spa very much like how I would go to a Facial Beauty Spa or a Body Spa to give my body a chill and relax.

These are some the issues that I need deeper understanding and application in my personal life to ensure sanity and peace in my life. These issues bug you constantly, almost like an old wound, it affects the feelings and mood, it comes and goes.

1. Forgiveness and Reconciliation - how to go about it to restore a relationship. Do they go hand in hand? Are they both sides of a coin?
2. Setting boundary to establish healthy relationships - to love sometimes we need to set boundary
3. Crucial Conversations - how to engage with others on topic and issues that are high stakes, varying opinions and emotions running high. 
4. Vulnerability - the first impression I had from God earlier last year and I only listened to a few videos on this. I like to know what vulnerability looks like and what do I have to do in order to 

I invested in many books and also going through You Tube Videos to help me learn these lessons in a rapid manner. I hope I am a fast learner and be able to overcome my mental blocks and have my mind spa at the soonest possible time. May God help me.

Understanding Forgiveness and Reconciliation

There is always the right to forgive because one party is always ready, that is God, so it just leaves one more party to take actions to forgive. But there is not always a right time to reconcile, for this takes 2 human parties to be involved. In forgiveness, it is just between the Offended and God. In reconciliation, it is between the Offended and Offender. 

To forgive and forget is such a wrong advice to give. While there is a command to forgive as quickly as possible, there is no need to rush through the reconciliation process.

One of the better reading that I have gained is from this site called Flying Free Now Dot Com. In her post entitled "To Forgive Doesn't Automatically Mean To Reconcile", she made references to Patrick Doyle's teaching via Youtube. 

Four Steps before Reconciliation is possible:-

1) Conviction

The Offender has to be convicted by God, not by others. 2 Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow leads to repentance, worldly sorrow leads to death. Conviction is very different from saying I am Sorry. The convicted knows exactly what are the specific offensive issues. God does not convict us in general, it is always very specific. The Offender must own the sins.

2) Repentance 

One of the signs of repentance is the person having Contrition, the state of feeling remorseful and penitent. The Bible refers to broken contrite heart = I have no rights, I have failed and I am wrong. 

Repentance is not about what you say, it is about what you do and who are you.

3) Confession

The Offender must confess specifically what they are convicted of. Confession has to be specific and list the specific harms that were done. The Offender cannot be told what they did that was wrong. 

The Holy Spirit has two jobs : to convict us of sins and to comfort us once we are convicted. If someone is unconvictable, it is usually due to Pride. 

Pride is the ultimate anti-God state of being - CS Lewis

Sometimes people are unaware that they cause hurt. We cannot deny the Offended the right to choose what harm is. 

The hardness of heart is the one thing that will destroy a relationship. How to maintain softness to is to set a boundary in order for the Offender not to cause further harm. Sometimes it is our confession, without humility, brokenness and brokenness, it is hard to maintain softness of our heart and maintain a healthy relationship.

4) Ask for forgiveness

Forgiveness has to be uttered by the Offender. After reconciliation, the relationship does change, the boundary has changed. 

How to deal with people who has offended you?

Hurt is when expectation not met. People get hurt when their expectation is not fulfilled. Some of the expectations are not realistic.

People with sarcasm - defending themselves and usually people who are angry, irritated and people with a lot of unresolved injustice. Anger is at the surface, below anger is hurt and underneath hurt is injustice. Pull them aside and suggest to them they are sarcastic and ask if there is any injustice they have felt. And leave it at that if they are not ready to discuss.

Decide how important is the relationship to maintain. Sometimes the best love is to turn away from them. 

Peace makers are often wrongly defined as people who do not cause offences. 

Conviction - the beginning of healing is conviction.

Repentance - 

Confession - 

Ask for Forgiveness

Ego on Steroid - is the absence of conviction

Go to God and ask what is my sins in this relationship.

We are living in a very Critical Culture from social media. Any cause other than Christ is secondary.

Reconciliation is not a requirement. It is the desired outcome, but it can only happen when four things happen:-

1) Conviction has to happen. The Offender is convicted by God. The Offended cannot do the conviction.

2) Repentance is genuine. It has to be godly repentance. 

3) Confession of specific sins is required.

4) Asking for forgiveness

In another website called "Four Reasons you cannot reconcile with Someone" by Rick Thomas, he wrote about four reasons:-

1) Perfect Heart - Perfect like Jesus.

2) Perfect World - No one wronged anyone.

3) If a person does not respond to God’s conviction, then their sin cannot be removed and they cannot be reconciled to the people they have sinned against.

4) Not being ready to forgive a person who is asking for forgiveness is another instance that will keep reconciliation from happening. 

Forgiveness Vs Reconciliation is something that we need to learn and be wise about it. 

Other references:-

1)https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/22748/two-differences-between-forgiveness-and-reconciliation

2)https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-therapy/201303/forgiveness-vs-reconciliation

3)http://ww1.antiochian.org/content/forgiveness-and-reconciliation-how-forgive-others-and-receive-forgiveness

4)https://lifehacker.com/how-to-forgive-someone-who-has-wronged-you-1671192403