Cheeky short notes on irony of life

Short Notes ...
The union workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!

"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year."
- Mark Twain

Why do you need a driver´s license to buy liquor when you can´t drink and drive?

Why is it that when you´re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. 

Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

"Why does a woman work ten years to change a man´s habits 

and then complain that he´s not the man she married?"
--- Barbara Streisand

Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that´s not at all true. 

I have the heart of a young boy. ...In a jar.... On my desk.
--- Steven King

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Products Warning

Better be careful
These are actual warnings given on various products:

On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On the bottle-top of a flavoured milkdrink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)- DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

IT Manager's Best Advises to new manager

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".